Why I am Not in Charge: Reason 826

Earlier this month, in my post 7th Inning Stretch, I wrote of my fears relative to moving forward with my steps. Specifically, I wrote:

In a very real sense (for me) the idea with respect to both steps of letting go of the self that I know (FUCKED UP as ’she’ might be!) is terrifying. Drinking in my family is a tie that binds, period. What happens when you cut that loose? Actually, I’m not interested in what happens to you. What happens to me? What happens when I’m cut loose across the board? What is left of my relationships? What is left of me?

Today, I sat reading this passage from the 12 & 12:

But suppose that instinct still cries out, as it certainly will…’If I keep turning my life and my will over to the care of Something or Somebody else, what will become of me? I’ll look like the hole in the doughnut.’ (36)

The paragraph above goes onto explain how this “certain instinct” is in fact the result of ‘logic’ and ‘reason’ “seeking to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual growth.”  

It would seem that I am nowhere near the first to encounter this particular dilemma. Awesome. Step 4 it is.

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