By Threes

Though I have no hard set rules for what or when I write in this space I have tried to write at least one post a month relative to my recovery. Turns out, MOST of my posts deal with it though some are not as overt as others. At any rate I do not have the time (I’m leaving town and won’t be back at a computer before the 1st.) nor, for that matter, have I had the inclination to draft a specific post this month. It’s not that things haven’t been developing or that there has been no growth or recovery but I definitely do not have a grasp of where I am right now. Everything has shifted and nothing has settled.

What I do know is three fold. First, people that I love, admire and respect have lost people in their lives in the last couple of weeks which has necessarily impacted them and resonated with me. Second and third, I have borrowed and made my own two separate prayers that I learned from a Solitary friend, respectively, they are: Thank You, Thank You, Thank You and Help Me, Help Me, Help Me.

 

On loss…

 

Grieving with grace is about the most succinct way I can describe that which I have witnessed in the lives of those around me who have had to deal with death of late. I have found myself humbled and awed by the ways in which I’ve seen people I respect and admire articulate their sense of loss. My heart breaks for them of course but it would be dishonest to pretend that I am not in AWE of their ability to remain. Just remain. Remain who they are through profound and staggering loss. I’m not sure I’ve got that. I am certain, sooner rather than later, I am going to find out.

 

Thank You… 

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you as a prayer may well seem like a no brainer to anyone else but as with all prayers I’ve encountered it’s kicked my ASS. I have to push myself, even when praying. Fervent prayers of Thanks are all well and good in their place. However, with the breadth and scope of my cynicism learning this prayer has meant for me that I need to stop and associate 3 distinct measures of gratitude with it. Some days that’s easy, 3 or 30, I can list shit all day long that I am grateful for. Other days ‘my hair’s not on fire’ is about as far past my own misery as I can get. In either scenario or anywhere in between, this prayer has been HUGELY helpful in helping me reorient my head and I am grateful! Grateful for the prayer, the friend who shared it and the breath to mutter it.

 

Help Me…

 

Help me, help me, help me. I’ve yet to utter this prayer aloud. Another friend of mine just shortened it for me to: Help. I haven’t said that one out loud yet either. I think I could though. I can tell you I’ve gotten good at saying it in my head. It’s gotten me out of bed. Up a mountain. Down that same mountain. Through a fire. Out of the shower. Off the floor. Into a meeting. And onto the phone.

 

For these things I am so, so, so grateful.

Advertisements

One Response

  1. “Other days ‘my hair’s not on fire’ is about as far past my own misery as I can get.” Amen to that, but it’s something worth being grateful for. Beautiful post, here 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: