Stride Right.

It’s been a little while since I’ve felt a need to sit down and write out anything. I’m not sure if that is good or bad. There are a couple of cool experiences worth noting though and Iwould be remiss if I did not get to them .  First, there was my magical run.


Magical Mileage

Since I am confessing shortcomings, it occurs to me that I have not taken any pictures of the route that I have been running which is silly because the beach is beautiful. So, I will at some point snap a photo or two to include in a future post. Here’s the important thing though I began running before I quit smoking in the interest of motivating myself. How that works is, I will NOT quit anything until it HURTS bad enough. To that end, I began running in December of last year and I quit smoking in March of this year. Having been a smoker for years it stood to reason that my mileage, constancy and stamina SUCKED ASS for months. About 3 miles was my limit. After I quit, however, I expected to see improvement in all facets of my running and as is my nature I expected said results IMMEDIATELY.

After a few weeks, about mid-May, appalled by lack of improvement in my running, it happened that I was able to run with a friend. Doing so radically improved my constancy in that I was simply matching my pace to hers. The net result was that I simply had to run through physical pangs AND run by visual markers that I had long been using as my cues to break my run to walk. In short, the ‘great’ strides I wanted in constancy I got* in the space of a single run with my friend.

By June I was back to being pissed. There had been no improvement much less ‘great’ strides made in my over all mileage. I managed to get from 3 miles to maybe 4.5. Which is obviously useless.** I had begun bitching to my friends that what I wanted was nothing short of a MAGICAL FIX for my mileage issue. I did NOT want to run any further or work any harder I just wanted my mileage to leap forward. You KNOW a MIRACLE? Why not?


Don’t Leave Before The Miracle Happens.

To fully appreciate this I will have to digress a bit. You see, I can be a bit of an ass. When I said, I want magical improvement? I meant every word. Why not? Well, because I know that’s not REALISTIC. I KNOW that is NOT going to happen. I KNOW God will fail. Yes, you read me. I will set God up to fail, that’s who I am. I will set everyone I know up to FAIL to meet my expectations. No, my expectations need not be REASONABLE if they were then you might not fail! Then what? Fucking chaos. So, in my secret sick game I want a MAGICAL FIX to my running mileage and when that doesn’t happen, I get to keep nursing my long standing deep seeded God ‘hates me’ beliefs. See how that works?

OK. So, it’s the end of June and miracle of miracles (pun fully intended) my friend and I wind up on the same schedule for one day and we are able to run together. She has been in training as a runner for well over a year and her knowledge of all things running far surpasses mine. I’m running or out running a particular demon, she runs as an athlete. This matters. We head off, marking our start time and ultimately hit the beach. It was just after our arrival there that we separated, I can’t match her pace indefinitely. So she’s off and I am bringing up the rear. An hour later? She passes me heading back toward the start and we chat.

Her, “how far you going?”

 Me, “At least 4 miles. Dog Beach.”


Me, “Dog Beach.”

Her, “We’re at 4 miles, here.”

Me, “What?” 

Her, “Dog Beach is about 4 miles. ONE WAY. This spot (WHERE WE ARE STANDING) is 3.8.”

Me, “I’m so confused.”

Her, “Keep going. Don’t let the mileage throw you.”

So, I run. When I return, that is when I get the lesson in setting the stride on my pedometer. Turns out, pedometers do not MAGICALLY calibrate themselves. Thus, my run to Dog Beach…the same STUPID ASS RUN…I’ve been doing for weeks…clocking as 4.5 miles is ACTUALLY 7.1. I’m kind of an ASS.  And GOD has got a sense of humor y’all. Not one extra step. Not an ounce more effort on my part. Just a ‘magical’ increase in my mileage. The moral of this story? Careful what you ask for, YOU may be the punch line.


*Constancy is relative. For the most part mine has improved but a crap run is a crap run.

**Why useless? I am a perfectionist and 4.5 isn’t good enough so I’ve a tendency to be dismissive when shit doesn’t work out EXACTLY as i think it should.


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2 Responses

  1. You called that a stupid running moment at one point–that’s brilliant. Congrats, lady–I am so proud of you!! (and, uh, laughing just a bit. Ok, more than just a bit).

  2. Please! I hit the turn around point on that run and was doubled over laughing!!!!! I was soooooooooooo the punch line! Doh.

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