Tonight the Bottle Let Me Down…

Or not.

I met with my sponsor for the first time tonight. Weird thing about surrender, it’s the only option. I hate alcoholism. I hate the disease. I hate that it has sucked the life out of so many people around me. I hate what it has done to me. Accepting that I didn’t “let it” do this to me that I was “powerless” over it’s effects seems counter intuitive to every instinct and impulse that I have ever known.

If I were smarter, stronger, better–I wouldn’t be here.  

Here? Meeting with a sponsor heading for a meeting. How ironic is that? I have never had a role model, either biological or of my own choosing that wasn’t an addict, an alcoholic or an untreated al-anon. I have never known another way.  There are two people in my life that are in recovery, one is an alcoholic and one an al-anon. They are not related to each other or to me. Neither has any idea what they mean to me. One of each, that’s all I got. So, I am going to go out on a limb and ‘guess’ that’s all I need.

Weird, right? Looking to an Alcoholic and an Al-Anon for the way out. It is exactly like looking into the bottom of a bottle for a friend and that is FUCKING hilarious.

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